Visiting home for the first time, it’s the weirdest combination of feelings I have ever felt. You are excited to see old friends, be in your old bedroom, see your family, your dogs. It is so lovely to be home again. But, I was always stressed about seeing people from my old high school and the community. Did I lose enough weight? Am I doing enough outside of school? Am I doing good enough in school?
I am not usually one to succumb to peer pressure or feel nervous about the way I present myself. But there is something about coming home that stresses me out. I want to be the one that left my hometown and did amazing things. I want to be lightyears ahead of my peers and be crushing it in college and life. All of our high school career we are told that college is where we find ourselves, it’s where we thrive, the best years of our lives. I feel like I need to exceed expectations.
I come from a small town, everyone “famous” here is because they moved here for retirement. Very few people have gone on to become “famous” from my high school, and that’s ok. Though I have always loathed living in a small town, I wouldn’t give up the connections to the people in my town for anything. That being said, everyone is content with it being small. I am not. I have always wanted more, and with vocalizing that I wanted to do more, came the expectation that I would do more.
Every time I return home, I am elated to see my family, but stressed out that I’ll get asked about what I am doing. I feel like my answer can’t just be “oh I’m home relaxing for the summer!” Relaxing for months? No, not an option. I have to run my blog, make sure my life looks perfect, add to my resume. All of the things I am doing I love immensely, but relaxing would be nice.
if you are going through the same feelings, you’re not alone. I always have to remind myself that it’s ok to chill out, we all have our own paths and we will all get there one day.