I Am Having An Identity Crisis – and It’s OK.

I am 21 years old. I feel ancient and like a baby at the same time. I’ve been out of high school for 3 years but I’m still a while away from graduating (if I go for my masters). I dress the way that is comfortable and I am scared to buy new clothes because I have gained so much weight I don’t even recognize myself.I want to try new styles but can’t exactly put my finger on what I am going for. I work my ass off at internships that make me realize I have no idea what career path I want to take. I study day-in-day-out to get straight A’s only to preach that grades don’t define you. All of that is OK.

If there’s one thing I have learned the most about during this pandemic, it’s myself. We have all been cooped up for so long it is almost impossible to not self reflect. I began realizing what my goals are, what I want my future to look like and what keeps me going. I speak a lot about my life on social media and this blog. I want to be as transparent as possible as I grow up with all of you. I am not put together all of the time and it is totally normal to want to reinvent yourself a little bit. It’s also normal for that to be very overwhelming and confusing.

I feel like a lot of you are in the same position. My age group is having a collective identity crisis and it is very evident on social media. At first, it overwhelmed me. I didn’t really know where to look for guidance. I knew where to go for things like how to file taxes, properly organize my room, how to do a french braid or cook the perfect chicken.

But, once I figured those things out I realized I wasn’t overwhelmed from the things I don’t know about everyday life, I was overwhelmed from the things I didn’t know about myself. What kind of style do I want to have? How much alone time do I need to function? Can I stay consistent at home where independence is scarce? What pushes me to achieve my goals and what is my plan to get there?

Did those questions stress you out? same. I took the time to write all of those down and come up with a current answer. I then tried to figure out what I want the new me to look like. I worked on it for so long and made a plan.

Once I had a plan I put it into action. I would wear this kind of clothing, implement these kind of habits into a routine, and act this way. After about a month, I realized I was setting myself up for failure. I will never become who I want to be if I force it.

Yes, I can make changes to my body and routine right now which will help me in day to day life. But I cannot force the journey of self-discovery to happen overnight. I had to go through the highs and lows of this trying time to figure that out.

What I figured out:

I am routine driven. I will literally do nothing all day unless I have a plan.

My taste has changed. I went from a red and black room to a tan and white room. I feel lighter as a person since my first room decorating process, and that now reflects in my personal space.

My goals are to be strong and happy in my body. It holds me back a lot and I am working towards my ideal weight while staying healthy and strong.

My professional goals are to be successful while still making time for myself. I can work hard while still allowing myself to have fun and spend time with the people I love.

My advice: get an idea of your goals and make a plan. Nothing is set in stone, so follow your passions, allow yourself to change your mind, and stay true to your morals. We are so young and the world is changing so much, it’s be a shame to be the same person you are right now, next year. You are you, and that’s exactly who you are meant to be. Go through the journey and try everything.

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